Reminiscence
by Lady Tanith
Summary: Oneshot, the scene with Arthur interviewing Mandy, from Mandy's POV. Not a great fan of Mandy myself, so I'm not entirely sure how this came about. At any rate, please read & review. Feedback of any type would be much appreciated.


Hey, this is a short one-shot. The scene with Mandy talking to Arthur, but from her POV. I usually detest Mandy as a character, but I put pen to paper and this is where it lead me. I'm not entirely sure what I think of it myself, so I would very much appreciate feedback from anyone who gives a damn. Tanith ... "Once, of course, it was a gorgeous, gorgeous time. We were all-living our dreams. But that went away, all of it. With Curt. And not even the real Curt; it was this idea of Curt more than anything, this image. I mean, Maxwell Demon, Curt Wild, they were fictions! Somewhere along the way, Brian seemed to get - lost in a lie." Mandy massaged her eyes with the heels of her hands as the memories came flooding back. Memories she'd spent seven years carefully striving to forget. "As it all came crashing down, I just stood on the sidelines and watched; just like everybody else. After all, what else could I do? I'd known from the beginning that Curt wouldn't last with Brian. From the second Brian saw him onstage all those years ago I could see he was madly in love, I recognised the look in his eyes: jealousy, awe, infatuation. But it was never the real Curt at all. It was the image of fire, fury, distance. He looked untouchable up on that stage; the crowd hated him, and he loathed them right back. You see, I knew the moment Brian met him that there was an attraction, but whatever happened, it couldn't last. They were both just too self-destructive. Brian hates anyone to be more fucked up than him. Only Brian is allowed to be misunderstood, and what Brian wants, he always gets. That was why I wasn't too worried about it all; I mean, I knew it would end badly, and it was only a matter of time before Brian Came back to me- we were married for Christ's sake, he had loved me once. "Well, Curt left, and I didn't see Brian for quite a while; I still thought that after the grieving period I would be able to just breeze back into his life like nothing had happened. I was realistic to some degree, I knew I could never compare to Curt, and I didn't mind that I was only the fall back because, you see, I was still in love with MY Brian. The Brian I had met at the Sombrero all those years ago. "But then there was the fake assassination stunt he pulled at his final gig on the Maxwell Demon tour. I mean, I didn't care that he was committing social suicide; I wasn't drawn to the fame or anything like that- God no. It was just that no one told me. So for one whole day I actually believe Brian had been shot; all his paranoia's proven horribly true." "Jesus." "Yea, I mean, I knew it was over, I just didn't realise it was up to me to make it stop. "Well, I arranged the divorce papers and stopped by Brian's house to give them to him. Walked in on him snorting coke off some woman's ass. I remember dropping them in the mountains of white powder at the foot of the bed, told him: 'So you won't forget.' He said he already had. I started to walk away, but I couldn't just leave, let him get away with everything he had ever done and just disappear. Never see him again. I spun on my heel, turning to face 'Maxwell Demon,' the image he had become, hollow with loss, but now, truly untouchable. 'Your problem I that you get what you want and do what you will.' 'Words, Mandy are built out of suffering; there is suffering at the birth of a child, as at the birth of a star.' 'You live in terror of NOT being misunderstood.' It was a fantastic feeling of relief, finally telling him how I feel. Or at least it would have been if he hadn't been completely dismissing me in that infuriating way of his. 'Women defend themselves by attacking, just as they attack by sudden and strange surrenders.' He had the absolute audacity to quote Oscar Wilde at me. Not that I should have been surprised, Brian was always like that. Well, Shannon burst in and I left furious. I remember the sound of Brian laughing at my retreating back; it was ringing in my ears for hours." "Was that the last time you saw him?" "No, but it was the last time we actually spoke. I saw him briefly, a few weeks later at a concert." "He was performing?" "Ha! No, Curt was actually performing. He and Jack Fairy had just finished their Berlin record and Curt was in London playing some gigs, Brian was there; I mean, just for a second, I don't think anyone even saw him." "Which concert?" "It was like a tribute, a sort of farewell to 'Glam Rock'. I was there with Curt actually, to support him y'know. For a while I'd been insanely jealous of him, for stealing MY Brian. What I eventually realised, of course, was that he wasn't my Brian anymore; he was already changing. We both had our hearts broken by him, and I didn't feel bitter towards Curt anymore. Brian's change wasn't his fault; I know that. And to be honest it probably fucked him up worse than it did me. I felt for the guy. Anyway, I was there with him because he was singing 'Gimme Danger,' which was particularly emotionally difficult for him. He was hoping that Brian would be there to see it, realise what it meant. Well anyway, that was the last time I saw 'Brian Slade'." She paused. The journalist didn't make to say anything; he didn't really appear to be seeing her anymore. He was remembering, clearly connected with this in some obscure way that was lost on Mandy, but she wasn't going to interrogate him. Just let him leave so you can forget about all this again. "Is there anything else you need to know?" "Huh? Oh, sorry, no, no. If you're sure you don't know where I might find him now. Uh, thanks for the help though; I should be going, leave you in peace." She made no move to stop him as he stood. "Goodbye, and thank you again." "Bye." She lit another cigarette and watched him leave, glancing to the bartender, one of "Tommy's" minions. He nodded, and turned back to the bar. She tapped the ash into her empty glass, picked her coat and left. Briefly she entertained the notion of following the reporter, telling him the truth with no one to stop her, but she dismissed the idea almost as quickly as it occurred. Even if she did know where he'd gone, she probably couldn't bring herself to destroy Brian, or rather "Tommy's" career. It was to late to be bitter. Mandy Slade turned and headed home, her thoughts weighing heavily on her. All the things she'd spent seven long years forgetting, all dragged to the surface again in just one night. The heavy, disillusioned stare of her eyes was tinted with fresh pain. The memories swirled ad danced in her head, fighting for dominance over her subconscious. The dizzying flashed of recollection combined with the scotch to make her feel ill. This would be just one more sleepless night. 


End file.
